by Bonny Albo
When initiating a conversation with someone from an online dating website, a tip to the wise: make sure your note is something personal and specific to the person whose interest you are trying to attract. This online dating tip applies doubly to men than it does for women, unfortunately.
Why? Women, on average, get twenty times more responses to their profiles compared to men. Similar to the offline world, online dating is usually instigated by the man in a heterosexual pairing.
But how do you make this online dating tip work for you? Read the profile of the person you are trying to attract very carefully. Take a couple of minutes, and make notes if required. Then, when you start writing that first email, comment on the items mentioned that caught your interest.
For instance, "I noticed that you are an animal lover. Do you have any pets?" or, "Wow, a fellow urban spelunker! We are a rare breed. How did you get into the study of urban archaeology?"
When you use the same email to send out to everyone that catches your fancy in the online dating world, it smacks of rudeness and insincerity. It's not hard to spot a fake in person, and it's even easier to spot one online. Take some time to make your first inquiry something original, unique, and interesting.
Most online dating tip websites also add that you should make as little of the first message about you as possible, and focus instead on the person you are emailing. In my experience, I've found that this is sound advice. Focus on the person you are trying to get to know, without making it sound like you are playing 20 questions. Of course, you can add some tips about yourself in the online dating response. And it's probably a good idea if you think about it - otherwise the other person is left thinking, "Um, who IS this person, and why should I bother emailing them back?".
Can't get enough web dating news, views and how-to's? Join Bonny, an admitted web dating addict, at Web Dating for your daily, free fix.
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4/10/2009
Online Dating Lesson 2:How To Make Your First Chat Successful
by Kathryn Hamilton
Before you have that first chat with someone at an internet dating site, make sure you read their entire profile. This will provide you with material you can use to get the conversation started. Usually in their profiles, people speak in broad terms about themselves rather than being specific. They put things such as "I like sports" or "I enjoy outdoor activities" or "I like going to the movies". This is an excellent opportunity to get to know this person and let them know you are interested in more than just their picture. You could say "I see you like sports, what's your favorite team?" or "I noticed in your profile that you enjoy outdoor activities. I enjoy canoeing and bike riding, what are your favorite outdoor activities?"or "I see you like going to the movies,me too!I like to watch comedies, what type of movies do you like?. By starting the conversation this way after a few minutes the other person will feel thy are talking to a friend right away and not be so shy and the conversation will then take off in many different directions.
Be careful to avoid simple yes and no answers because they don't really make a conversation and this may turn the other person off. Remember the point of this conversation is to find out if you are compatible.
Avoid unpleasant topics such as crime. You want to keep the conversation fun and upbeat .
No matter how tempted you might be, don't make exaggerated claims about yourself. This only leads to rejection and disappointment later should you meet in person. To find your true soul mate, honesty about yourself is really important.
Even though I have cautioned you to avoid giving simple yes and no answers, on this first chat, don't be a complete open book either. Remember this first chat is to determine if you are compatible. Once you determine that you are, you could end the chat by saying "I have really enjoyed chatting with you, we seem to have a lot in common. Then decide on a time and date for your next chat. A little mystery is exciting and will leave you both eager for your next chat.
Finally I want to caution you to NEVER give out your full name, address, place of employment, or phone number during your first few chats. Usually the person you are talking to is sincere but on the off chance they are an internet predator,you need to know that they could use this information to figure out where you live. Most predators aren't in for the long haul and if you don't give up this information within the first few chats, they will probably look elsewhere. If anyone tries to pressure or coax this information out of you this should send up a red flag and you should end the chat immediately and report them to the dating site. This type of behavior is unacceptable.
If you follow these guidelines, you will have a safe and enjoyable first chat and you will be excited for the next one.
Keep an eye out for my next article, Internet Dating Lesson 3: How to Safely Take Your Internet Relationship to the Next Step .
Kathryn Hamilton is the co-founder of www.1HellofaMatch.Com an exciting online venue with 15 unique dating sites including dating for marriage,seniors dating,and dating for those with disabilities. She has been a private dating and relationship consultant for the last 5 years and she enjoys helping people take the stress out of dating. You can seek her advice for free by clicking the Ask Kathryn link on her website www.1HellofaMatch.Com.
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Before you have that first chat with someone at an internet dating site, make sure you read their entire profile. This will provide you with material you can use to get the conversation started. Usually in their profiles, people speak in broad terms about themselves rather than being specific. They put things such as "I like sports" or "I enjoy outdoor activities" or "I like going to the movies". This is an excellent opportunity to get to know this person and let them know you are interested in more than just their picture. You could say "I see you like sports, what's your favorite team?" or "I noticed in your profile that you enjoy outdoor activities. I enjoy canoeing and bike riding, what are your favorite outdoor activities?"or "I see you like going to the movies,me too!I like to watch comedies, what type of movies do you like?. By starting the conversation this way after a few minutes the other person will feel thy are talking to a friend right away and not be so shy and the conversation will then take off in many different directions.
Be careful to avoid simple yes and no answers because they don't really make a conversation and this may turn the other person off. Remember the point of this conversation is to find out if you are compatible.
Avoid unpleasant topics such as crime. You want to keep the conversation fun and upbeat .
No matter how tempted you might be, don't make exaggerated claims about yourself. This only leads to rejection and disappointment later should you meet in person. To find your true soul mate, honesty about yourself is really important.
Even though I have cautioned you to avoid giving simple yes and no answers, on this first chat, don't be a complete open book either. Remember this first chat is to determine if you are compatible. Once you determine that you are, you could end the chat by saying "I have really enjoyed chatting with you, we seem to have a lot in common. Then decide on a time and date for your next chat. A little mystery is exciting and will leave you both eager for your next chat.
Finally I want to caution you to NEVER give out your full name, address, place of employment, or phone number during your first few chats. Usually the person you are talking to is sincere but on the off chance they are an internet predator,you need to know that they could use this information to figure out where you live. Most predators aren't in for the long haul and if you don't give up this information within the first few chats, they will probably look elsewhere. If anyone tries to pressure or coax this information out of you this should send up a red flag and you should end the chat immediately and report them to the dating site. This type of behavior is unacceptable.
If you follow these guidelines, you will have a safe and enjoyable first chat and you will be excited for the next one.
Keep an eye out for my next article, Internet Dating Lesson 3: How to Safely Take Your Internet Relationship to the Next Step .
Kathryn Hamilton is the co-founder of www.1HellofaMatch.Com an exciting online venue with 15 unique dating sites including dating for marriage,seniors dating,and dating for those with disabilities. She has been a private dating and relationship consultant for the last 5 years and she enjoys helping people take the stress out of dating. You can seek her advice for free by clicking the Ask Kathryn link on her website www.1HellofaMatch.Com.
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4/03/2009
Online Dating Lesson 1:Creating an Honest Online Dating Profile That Gets Results
by Kathryn Hamilton
Your goal when creating an online dating profile is to attract the type of person you would want to have a long term relationship with, Right? This seems like it should be simple-cut and dry, but just like everything else if you’re going to do a good job and get the results you want you need to do a little research and learn before you do. Let’s go over the different sections on a typical dating profile and I’ll give you tips for each section.
The Photo
You must upload your photo! I can’t stress this enough. People don’t reply if you don’t have a photo as part of your profile. They think there must be something wrong with your appearance, or that you are trying to hide a dishonest profile. Remember, your choice of photo says something about you and you want to be sure it’s not the wrong message or the replies you get will not be the ones that you are looking for. Your photo must be a current one. The other person is expecting to meet the current you-not the one from 10 years or 50 pounds ago. If they are the person you are looking for they will think you are beautiful or hansom just as you are today. An incurrent or altered photo is in essence a lie and will lead to disappointment and rejection later if you should meet in person. Professional photographers are trained to help you relax and capture your personality in your photograph and most can provide you with one in an uploadable format. If you choose not to use a professional, have a good friend whom you are comfortable with take the picture with a digital camera so you will be able to upload it easily. Remember not to rush the photo shoot, this puts too much pressure on you and you will end up with a stiff posed picture with no personality at all. If you take your time and have fun, you will be rewarded with a photo in which your personality shines through. Your main photo should be close up, a head shot if possible. One of the biggest mistakes people make is uploading a picture of themselves taken from too far away. In pictures like this it is hard to get a good look at you. Especially since the photo size on most dating sites isn’t very big in the first place. Dress as you would for your first date and unless you are trying to attract someone for casual sex, avoid wearing a bathing suit or other seductive clothing. Your goal is to look good, not for sale. There are creeps out there and for your own protection, you don’t want to attract these kinds of people. Also avoid having anyone else in your main photo , and it is fairly obvious when you have cropped someone else out of the photo. The person viewing your photo may wonder if that arm they see in the background belonged to your ex and they may lose interest. You should include at least 2 other photos of yourself and these can be of you doing a favorite hobby or activity. In these photos you can include other people or pets. Your selection of photos can tell a little story about yourself, so have fun and choose wisely .
The Headline
This is the section of your profile where you are asked to write a 1 line phrase describing yourself for people to notice when they are looking through the search results. Make this phrase catchy and fun. Include your favorite hobby or activity in a humorous way. For instance, if you are into gardening say garden lover seeks a great gal/guy with a green thumb. If you enjoy hiking and other outdoor activities say Nature lover seeks a guy/gal to share the view. Anything that will catch their eye and make you stand out when they are looking through lots of search results is what you’re after. Again , please don’t choose a sexually explicit message.
Skipping The 3 Most Common Essay Questions
The three most common essay questions on a dating profile are give some general information about yourself, describe your appearance, and what are you looking for in a partner. This is not as hard as most people make it. All you need to do is follow a few guidelines . First, don’t give out any personal information about yourself such as your full name, your address , your place of employment, your phone number, or your e-mail address (other than the anonymous one you get through your dating site) You need to get to know someone before you give out personal information. Keep the length of your answers to 4 or 5 lines per question. Save the details for your chats which are actually dates. Be truthful about your appearance . If there is something you don’t like about yourself such as your build or your weight, say you are average not athletic. Then you could say you are currently having fun working out at the gym or that you are on the Nutrasystem Diet and the food is great . This will let the person know that you are the type of person that is motivated to improve yourself and that is an attractive quality. Finally when you start listing what you are looking for in a partner try not to sound like a complainer with the negatives . If your ex always spent all of his free time watching T.V. and you never got out of the house and went anywhere say you are looking for someone who is willing to have adventures and try new things. If smoking is a deal breaker say no smokers, please. Doing this will prevent you from a real disappointment of finding out later after you have become emotionally attached through all your chats and phone calls. Your honesty should help keep the people you don’t want from contacting you in the first place.
Don’t Sit Back And Wait
You will have far more responses and a much more enjoyable experience if you jump right in and start contacting people right away instead of waiting for them to contact you. Many dating sites allow you to send a card to someone to get their attention and let them know you’re interested. This way if your headline didn’t catch their attention your card/e-mail will.
Spelling and Grammar Count
It may seem like a no brainier, but if you have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes it will turn people off. People will think you are either uncaring , or just plain stupid.
It’s Not Written In Stone
If you aren’t getting any responses or the right kind of responses, go over your profile and make a few changes, and maybe choose different pictures. It costs nothing to tweak your profile from time to time . Online Dating isn’t an exact science and it may take a few tries to get it right. Whatever you do don’t get discouraged. There are many successful relationships that have started with online dating.
Keep your eye out for my next article titled Online Dating Lesson 2:How to Make Your First Chat Successful. Also you can seek my advice for free by clicking on the Ask Kathryn link at www.1HellofaMatch.Com.
Kathryn Hamilton is the co-founder of www.1HellofaMatch.Com an exciting online venue with 15 unique dating sites including dating for marriage,seniors dating,and dating for those with disabilities. She has been a private dating and relationship consultant for the last 5 years and she enjoys helping people take the stress out of dating. You can seek her advice for free by clicking the Ask Kathryn link on her website www.1HellofaMatch.Com.
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Your goal when creating an online dating profile is to attract the type of person you would want to have a long term relationship with, Right? This seems like it should be simple-cut and dry, but just like everything else if you’re going to do a good job and get the results you want you need to do a little research and learn before you do. Let’s go over the different sections on a typical dating profile and I’ll give you tips for each section.
The Photo
You must upload your photo! I can’t stress this enough. People don’t reply if you don’t have a photo as part of your profile. They think there must be something wrong with your appearance, or that you are trying to hide a dishonest profile. Remember, your choice of photo says something about you and you want to be sure it’s not the wrong message or the replies you get will not be the ones that you are looking for. Your photo must be a current one. The other person is expecting to meet the current you-not the one from 10 years or 50 pounds ago. If they are the person you are looking for they will think you are beautiful or hansom just as you are today. An incurrent or altered photo is in essence a lie and will lead to disappointment and rejection later if you should meet in person. Professional photographers are trained to help you relax and capture your personality in your photograph and most can provide you with one in an uploadable format. If you choose not to use a professional, have a good friend whom you are comfortable with take the picture with a digital camera so you will be able to upload it easily. Remember not to rush the photo shoot, this puts too much pressure on you and you will end up with a stiff posed picture with no personality at all. If you take your time and have fun, you will be rewarded with a photo in which your personality shines through. Your main photo should be close up, a head shot if possible. One of the biggest mistakes people make is uploading a picture of themselves taken from too far away. In pictures like this it is hard to get a good look at you. Especially since the photo size on most dating sites isn’t very big in the first place. Dress as you would for your first date and unless you are trying to attract someone for casual sex, avoid wearing a bathing suit or other seductive clothing. Your goal is to look good, not for sale. There are creeps out there and for your own protection, you don’t want to attract these kinds of people. Also avoid having anyone else in your main photo , and it is fairly obvious when you have cropped someone else out of the photo. The person viewing your photo may wonder if that arm they see in the background belonged to your ex and they may lose interest. You should include at least 2 other photos of yourself and these can be of you doing a favorite hobby or activity. In these photos you can include other people or pets. Your selection of photos can tell a little story about yourself, so have fun and choose wisely .
The Headline
This is the section of your profile where you are asked to write a 1 line phrase describing yourself for people to notice when they are looking through the search results. Make this phrase catchy and fun. Include your favorite hobby or activity in a humorous way. For instance, if you are into gardening say garden lover seeks a great gal/guy with a green thumb. If you enjoy hiking and other outdoor activities say Nature lover seeks a guy/gal to share the view. Anything that will catch their eye and make you stand out when they are looking through lots of search results is what you’re after. Again , please don’t choose a sexually explicit message.
Skipping The 3 Most Common Essay Questions
The three most common essay questions on a dating profile are give some general information about yourself, describe your appearance, and what are you looking for in a partner. This is not as hard as most people make it. All you need to do is follow a few guidelines . First, don’t give out any personal information about yourself such as your full name, your address , your place of employment, your phone number, or your e-mail address (other than the anonymous one you get through your dating site) You need to get to know someone before you give out personal information. Keep the length of your answers to 4 or 5 lines per question. Save the details for your chats which are actually dates. Be truthful about your appearance . If there is something you don’t like about yourself such as your build or your weight, say you are average not athletic. Then you could say you are currently having fun working out at the gym or that you are on the Nutrasystem Diet and the food is great . This will let the person know that you are the type of person that is motivated to improve yourself and that is an attractive quality. Finally when you start listing what you are looking for in a partner try not to sound like a complainer with the negatives . If your ex always spent all of his free time watching T.V. and you never got out of the house and went anywhere say you are looking for someone who is willing to have adventures and try new things. If smoking is a deal breaker say no smokers, please. Doing this will prevent you from a real disappointment of finding out later after you have become emotionally attached through all your chats and phone calls. Your honesty should help keep the people you don’t want from contacting you in the first place.
Don’t Sit Back And Wait
You will have far more responses and a much more enjoyable experience if you jump right in and start contacting people right away instead of waiting for them to contact you. Many dating sites allow you to send a card to someone to get their attention and let them know you’re interested. This way if your headline didn’t catch their attention your card/e-mail will.
Spelling and Grammar Count
It may seem like a no brainier, but if you have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes it will turn people off. People will think you are either uncaring , or just plain stupid.
It’s Not Written In Stone
If you aren’t getting any responses or the right kind of responses, go over your profile and make a few changes, and maybe choose different pictures. It costs nothing to tweak your profile from time to time . Online Dating isn’t an exact science and it may take a few tries to get it right. Whatever you do don’t get discouraged. There are many successful relationships that have started with online dating.
Keep your eye out for my next article titled Online Dating Lesson 2:How to Make Your First Chat Successful. Also you can seek my advice for free by clicking on the Ask Kathryn link at www.1HellofaMatch.Com.
Kathryn Hamilton is the co-founder of www.1HellofaMatch.Com an exciting online venue with 15 unique dating sites including dating for marriage,seniors dating,and dating for those with disabilities. She has been a private dating and relationship consultant for the last 5 years and she enjoys helping people take the stress out of dating. You can seek her advice for free by clicking the Ask Kathryn link on her website www.1HellofaMatch.Com.
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